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”Heartthrob”
Angel: In all those years, no one ever mattered, not like she did.
Cordelia: And you’re still here.
Angel: Yeah, it just feels like I’m betraying her somehow.
Cordelia: No, if you were a loser… if you were a sick, obsessed vampire, then you’d go to a Snod Demon or whatever and get your heart cut out, but you’re not. You’re a living, breathing… well, a living anyway… (smiles) good guy, who’s still fighting and trying to help people, and that’s not betraying her, that’s honoring her.
Angel: You think?
Cordelia: I’m Cordelia. I don’t think; I know, okay?
Angel: Okay.
”That Vision Thing”
Cordelia: Sure, I hate looking and feeling like this, but if I lose the visions, I wouldn’t be able to help you anymore. You wouldn’t need me.
Angel: That’s not why I need you. You’re important. The visions are just after market extras, like a Hurst shifter or Krager wheels.
Cordelia: (a little appalled) Did you just compare me to a car?
Angel: It was a very nice car.
Cordelia: I guess it’s better than a dog.
”That Old Gang of Mine”
Cordelia: Look, this is really urgent. I know Lorne pays you to cast this spell. What will it take for you to lift it?
Transuding Sisters: (in sequence) This is not a debt you can pay.
Cordelia: (insulted) You don’t know that. My credit has been very good this last year.
Transuding Sisters: (in sequence) Only Angel is equipped to make good on this debt.
Cordelia: Angel. (makes raspberry noise) I don’t know. You know, for a guy who’s a couple of centuries old, not very big with the wise investing. (pause, then understanding) And when you say “equipped”, that isn’t what you mean, is it?
Transuding Sisters: (together) Mmm… Angel.
Cordelia: Got it. And eww.
”Carpe Noctem”
Wesley: (about Angel making out with Lilah on his desk) This isn’t like him.
Cordelia: What? This is totally like him. Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde?
Fred: Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.
Cordelia: You’re right. This isn’t like him.
”Fredless”
Fred: (telling the story of the writing on her wall) Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived all alone in a horrible cave so far from home that it made her chest hurt. And every day in that horrible cave, the girl tried to figure out a way to escape. None of her plans ever succeeded of course, and she’d almost given up hoping. When one day, just like in a fairy tale, a handsome man rode up on a horse and saved her. And took her back to his castle. Now you’d think that was the end, wouldn’t you? Dumb old fairy tales and their happily ever afters. But see, the minute they got back to the castle, the handsome man went away again. And even though she didn’t mean to, didn’t want to, high up in that castle, the girl just built herself another cave, hoping that he would save her again. But you can’t save me this time, can you? (silence)
”Billy”
Cordelia: Angel feels responsible for this guy because he brought him back from hell. I feel responsible because he did it to save me. You, who are actually responsible for the entire thing, feel nothing at all, because you are a vicious bitch.
Lilah: So you know me.
Cordelia: Please, I was you. With better shoes.
”Offspring”
Fred: Who’s Darla?
Gunn: Angel’s old flame from way back.
Fred: Not the one who died?
Gunn: Yeah. No, not that one. The other one who died and came back to life. She’s a vampire.
Fred: Do y’all have a chart or something?
”Quickening”
Vampire Cult Leader: As it has been prophesized by our great potentate Ul-Thar. We vow our lives to protect this special child.
Angel: (aside to Darla) You hear that? Our kid, special.
Vampire Cult Leader: Now let us kill the humans, so we may user their blood to nourish the mother of the miracle child.
Darla: (smiling) I guess I’m getting dinner after all.
Angel: Darla, you might want to join the fight.
Darla: Sorry darlin’. I’m going to have to be Switzerland and sit this one out. (to Vampire Cult Leader) You did say you were just going to kill the humans, right?
Vampire Cult Leader: Yes, just the humans. Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt, and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child.
Darla: (hops off the table to join Angel) Okay! I’m in!
”Lullaby”
Darla: We did so many terrible things together. So much destruction. So much pain. We can’t make up for any of it. You know that, don’t you?
Angel: Yes.
Darla: This child, Angel, is the one good thing we ever did together. The only good thing. You make sure to tell him that. (stakes herself, leaving the crying newborn alive on the alley ground)
”Dad”
Cordelia: We’re going outside. Where your son is going to want to go play. Where you’ll have to rush him to the hospital if he gets sick in the daytime. But, I see your point. You can’t go outside in the day like other parents because you’re a vampire, and even if you weren’t, you couldn’t do everything for him.
Angel: (sticks his hand in sunlight and lets it smoke) If he has to get to the hospital at noon on the sunniest day of the year, he’ll get there. Even if I don’t.
”Birthday”
Skip:: Now what if the play ran a little differently? You’re on the sideline, over here, talking to a couple of wanna be moguls. Angel is downfield here. Instead of cutting to the middle to meet Angel, what if you’d been forced to counter? What if this guy, who happens to be a very powerful talent agent, flanks you, drew you offsides? What would happen then?
Cordelia: I’d, uh, score a touchdown?
Skip:: Metaphorically speaking, heck, yeah.
”Provider”
Angel: Hey, Lorne.
Lorne: If this about the baby formula I snagged from the fridge last night, sorry. I was feeling a little peckish, and it was that or a glass of pig’s blood. And by the way, baby formula and kahlua, not as bad as it sounds.
Angel: Lorne, I need you to use your contacts and find out what Holtz is up to. He’s out there somewhere, and we can never forget that. Finding him is our number one priority.
Gunn: I thought you said…
Angel: Finding Holtz and making money are our two number one priorities.
Cordelia: (clears throat)
Angel: Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are our three number one priorities.
”Waiting in the Wings”
Angel: (on the Blinnikov Ballet) I saw their production of Giselle in 1890. I cried like a baby (pauses) and I was evil.
Fred: (grinning) I think it sounds exciting.
Wesley: Yes.
Gunn: No. No! This is not Mata Hari. This is tutus and guys with their big-ass packages jumping up and down. This is just… I will never trust you again. The trust is gone.
”Couplet”
Angel: There’s nothing between Cordelia and me.
Lorne: Sure there is, and it’s got arms like steel cables and a deeply ironic sense of timing.
”Loyalty”
Angel: (trying to get his mind off Cordelia) You know, hockey’s a great sport.
Gunn: You realize this is the whitest sport known to man?
Angel: True. But the games are indoors, and they usually play at night.
Gunn: Gotcha.
Angel: Okay, I know it’s a little bit too early to be thinking about stuff like this, but I can’t wait to watch him, you know, grow up. For him to lose his first tooth. Learn how to ride a bike. (laughs) I want to help him pick out a tux for his senior prom. I just can’t wait to see who he’s going to be. I know that it’s mushy, but he just, he makes me so happy.
”Sleep Tight”
Justine: Do you believe in anything? Or is it all just a big scam to you?
Wesley: You’re a soldier, fight to the death kind. I respect that. You work for a man that you think is noble and good. I respect that. Trouble is, he’s not.
Justine: You work with a vampire.
Wesley: Who, in fact, is noble and good. Quirky, but there it is. Holtz talks about justice, and it’s stirring, but what he wants is revenge. He’s driven by it, blinded by it, and if you, me, or anybody else gets in his way, he’ll kill for it.
”Forgiving”
Fred: So what are you lying about?
Sahjhan: I don’t like to brag, but read any good prophecies lately?
Gunn: You wrote the prophecies.
Sahjhan: More a rewrite.
Fred: The father will kill the son.
Sahjhan: Yeah. I flitted back and forth in time, changed the one that threatened med, polished some others. Flitted in a manly way, just so we’re clear. You’re not my enemy. You’re in my home, and I’m going to kick your ass, but you were never really the point.
Angel: It was Connor.
Sahjhan: Boy, can’t put one over on you, can I? Oh, wait. Already did. It’s pretty freaky the first time you see your name in a true prophecy, all carved in blood on an official scroll. “The one sired by the vampire with a soul shall grow to manhood and kill Sahjhan.” Me!
”Double or Nothing”
Fred: (on Gunn) I know I said he said those things to me, but he would never say those things to me.
Cordelia: Those things he said?
Fred: Exactly. That’s why I know he’s in trouble.
Angel: (confused and way behind) Let me get this straight. You and Gunn are dating?
”The Price”
Groo: (on painting Angel’s room) Summer Splendor is a hue more worthy of a champion. Or, perhaps this unique one called “purpla”.
Angel: Purple. Yet you have no problems pronouncing pomegranate.
Groo: It was my mother’s name.
Angel: (sarcastically) What are the odds?
”A New World”
Wesley: Dante’s Divine Comedy
Lilah: Actually, it’s just part one. The Inferno. It’s not a first edition. More like the 1500s. But it is in the original Tuscan. Have you read it?
Wesley: Several times.
Lilah: Than you know it’s a guided tour of the underworld. The nine levels of hell.
Wesley: Yes, descending, concentric rings base on the severity of the sin.
Lilah: You know, I always forget. At the very bottom of hell, in the ninth circle, the devil’s frozen in ice, right? He’s got three heads, three mouths, and these mouths are reserved for the worst sinners. I can’t remember, who is in the center mouth? What was his name? The one person in all of human history who was deemed the greatest sinner. Who is it?
Wesley: Judas Iscariot.
Lilah: Right. The worst spot in hell is reserved for those who betray. So don’t pretend you’re too good to work for us.
”Benediction”
Angel: There’s just so much I thought we’d be able to do together before he, you know…
Cordelia: Grew up.
Angel: Hated me.
Cordelia: Angel, he doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t even know you. But he will. He’s going to come back, Angel.
Angel: How do you know?
Cordelia: Because, he has to. Because he’s family.
”Tomorrow”
Angel: Someday you’ll learn the truth, and you’ll hate yourself. Don’t. It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.
Connor: Liar!
Angel: Listen to me. I love you. Never forget that. (shouting now as the coffin is sealed) Connor! Never forget that I’m your father, and I love you.
Quotes
by CoA Council member, Seeker
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