Best of Season 2 Quotes

"Judgment" Angel: You've got your steam, you've got your sauna, your hot towels, how bad can it be? Cordelia: You shower with a bunch of men. Angel: I'll always be a loner. Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow. Faith: You're kidding. Angel: In front of people. Faith: And here I am, talking about my petty little problems. Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective. Faith: "Copacabana?" Angel: "Mandy." I don't wanna dwell on it. Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path. Angel: That it is. Faith: Think we might make it? Angel: We might.

"Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" Bellman: She just started cleaning this floor when she found him. Manager: Did she touch anything? Bellman: Consuela? Does she ever?

"First Impressions" Cordelia: Maybe we can help. Gunn: You two? I find Deevak I'm gonna need more than C3PO and stick figure Barbie backin' me up! Wesley: "That was quite a performance." Cordelia: "I know, talk about wound up too tight!" Wesley: "No, I mean Denzel." Cordelia: "Oh. Well, he’s always great." Wesley: "What about you?" Angel: "Who doesn’t love Denzel." Wesley: "No, I mean . . ." Angel: Well, it - it's, you know. The whole visibility issue, not to mention the hat head thing. You know, when you really think about it, how come I have to wear the ladies' helmet? Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.

"Untouched" Cordelia: I can't get this bandage to… stop moving. Angel: I'm not moving. Cordelia: Then stop breathing. Angel: I don't breathe. Cordelia: Then stop flexing your manly boob muscle. Angel: Do you know how hard it is to think straight with a rebar through your torso? Cordelia: Actually, I do. Benefits of a Sunnydale education. Cordelia: You shouldn't worry. Angel does this kind of thing all the time. Bethany: Makes tea? Cordelia: Helps people. Ya know, helps people with problems. Bethany: So what's wrong with you? Wesley: Where to begin. Bethany: Looked like a pretty happy dream; or maybe the covers were just rumpled. Cordelia: Don't bone my boss. Bethany: What? Cordelia: Angel. He's strictly a no bone.

"Dear Boy" Cordelia: If I sit, I'll throw up in my head. Angel: It was Darla. She's back and she's human now. But, I know her scent. Wesley: Angel you can't just sniff a person and know. Angel: You had sex last night with a bleach blonde. Wesley: Good lord how did you... ? Cordelia: That's unbelievable! I didn't think you ever had sex. Angel: Hello, love. Darla: You made quite a mess out there. Blood and habits everywhere. Angel: Convents, there just a big cookie jar. Darla: But that... that cheerleader did? We were together 150 years. We shared everything! Your saying never... ? Angel: You couldn't understand. Darla: I understand, all right! Guy gets a taste of something fresh and he thinks he's touching God! Angel: It wasn't about... Darla: Oh, you bet your ass it was! There was a time in the early years when you would have said, I was the definition of bliss. Buffy wasn't happiness. She was just new. Angel: You know - you're getting awfully bent over this, Darla. I couldn't feel that with you because I didn't have soul. But then I got a second chance, just like you have. Darla: What a poster child for soulfulness you are. Darla: See? No matter how good a boy you are, God doesn't want you... but I still do.

"Guise Will Be Guise" Cordelia: [Pretending to be Angel] Oh no, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them -- oh by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday. Gunn: OK, what I want to know is, how I live in LA all my life and never know weird-ass stuff was going on. Cordelia: Oh the ass is even weirder than you think. Gunn: At gunpoint? Cordelia: Yes, the point of a gun. He just walked Wesley out of here and this whole "I'm Angel" thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean if I thought that would work, I could have been Angel cuz guess what? Pretty much a girlie name. Guy: You're Angel, the vampire? Wesley: Yes, I'm Angel, the vampire with a soul. Fighting for my redemption with, with killing evil demons. That's right. Scourge of the demon world. Don't worry boys, I don't kill humans… unless I'm angry.

"Darla" Cordelia: And this would be the same woman that you didn't notice was in your bedroom every night for like three weeks straight. Angel: That was different. Cordelia: Different in the sitting right on top of you sense, YEAH! Cordelia: Let's face it, unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehavedarlastashedhere.com" we're pretty much out of luck. Master: We stalk the surface to feed and grow our ranks. We do not live amongst the human pestilence. Angelus: I'll be honest. You really couldn't with that face, now could you. Angelus: I'm not gonna get a bat nose like that, am I? Angelus: You belong by my side, out in the world feeding as we like, taking what we need. I'll give you that view you crave, Darla. I'll give you everything. (Laughing) Tell the truth! Whose face do you want to look at for eternity, his or mine? Master: Idiot, I made her!... (to Darla) You're leaving with the stallion, aren't you. Darla: It's not me you wanna screw. Lindsey: What? Darla: It's him. You all think you can use me to get to Angel.

"The Shroud of Rahmon" Wesley: Have you seen Angel? I thought I might check on him. He doesn't seem to be doing much with his time. Cordelia: Au contraire, his schedule is packed! Brood about Darla, brood about Darla, lunch, followed by a little Darla Brooding. Wesley: I spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat Chow... Chow. Cordelia: Chow Yun-Fat! Angel: What? You met Chow Yun-Fat?! Angel: Wow, look at you! Rushing in here all by yourself. You're the best cop ever! Menlo: Too many humans. Angel: Excuse me, this is my girl. Kate: Stay back! Angel: Okay, you got me! My life of crime is over. I'm going down. First, a little impression. I'm a cop with a mission to protect the innocent and rain on everybody's parade and obsess about my father's death and bother people who are about to steal things... Wesley: Angel? (Angel throws Wesley down.) Angel: Oh, Katie. What are you so afraid of? Is it this? (vamps) Is it the part where I kill you, cause I gotta tell you I love that in a woman!

"The Trial" Darla: Why do you think I came into this bar, for the snacks? Vamp: Sweetheart, in this bar you are the snacks. Cordelia: (Whispering to Wesley) Angel's back, and he has Darla with him. (To Darla) Hi. You're planning on sleeping over? Darla: I'm dying. Cordelia: So just for the one night then? Cordelia: I mean, not only is she putting his life at stake, but ours. I'm sorry, but after 400 years of death and destruction it seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?

"Reunion" Dru: You're all new again! Darla: Let's go shopping, huh? Dru: I'm ringing! Do you hear it? I'm ringing all over... (Darla reveals Dru's cell phone) Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. Dru: Do you like it? Am I pretty then? Darla: As a picture. Now if we could only get some shoes to go with it. Oh, excuse me, Miss? Any shoe suggestions for my ensemble. I said, excuse me. Customer with a question here. (Breaks neck of whimpering saleswoman) Service in this place is really unacceptable. Lindsey: Give him a nice holding cell, officers. Southern exposure preferred. (To Angel) The firm may not want you dead, but I'm cool with it. Darla: Dru, honey, in our new digs we have to put in a people cellar. Darla: Angelus. Here for the tasting? Dru: Look what we have for you... It's not daddy, it's never daddy. (hisses at Angel) It's the Angel beast. Darla: Come to punish us? Dru: Yeah! Yeah! Spank us till Tuesday! Rrrr... We promise to be bad if you do! Lilah: For God's sake, help us! Holland: Angel, please. People are going to die! Angel: And yet somehow, I just can't seem to care.

"Redefinition" Cordelia: One thing you can say about Angel, at least he's consistent. It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge. Lindsey: I'm the only one left... 2nd EMT: Hey, we got a live one here! Lindsey: (Disappointed) We do? Lilah: Oh, what's wrong Lindsey? You bitter cause your girlfriend didn't slit my throat? Lindsey: I think you might be overstating it. I'd say more like 'bummed.' Gunn: Snipe snipe snipe. Bitch, bitch, bitch. I figure ya'll got off easy, cause I would have killed you. Cordelia: Oh that's rich. Mr. "I don't take orders. Now where do I stick my ax?" Gunn: Was one of his directives hire a pansy ass British Guy? Wesley: My ass is not pansy!

"Blood Money" Lilah: Angel, I can assure you now that Lindsey and I are in a position to affect policy - things will change! Angel: Change? Well, yeah, 'cause I get it now. Lilah: It? Angel: The game. It's actually kinda fun when you know the rules. I mean, when you know that there aren't any. You screw with me, and you screw with me, and you screw with me. And now, I get to screw with you! That's gonna be great! Lilah: Ah, Angel. Please... Angel: No. No, no, no. Begging... that comes later. Lilah: So, what if this guys as good as he says and actually kills Angel? Lindsey: Well, boo-hoo, let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand!

"Happy Anniversary" Angel: I don't have coffee. The Host: Or a duster buster. I don't know why you fired those three plucky kids. They were good company. Not to mention Cordelia. Whew. Hot-o-Rama. In the oh-my-sizzling-loins sense of the word. If you know what I mean. The Host: So what we should do is check out the other local karaoke bars. See if we can get a lead on him. That is, if you're not too busy getting lawyers killed and setting girls on fire. The Host: I'm the Host, have you met me? I never shut up. You pushed your friends away. You went from helping the helpless to hunting down the guilty. Blood vengeance is a luxury of the lesser being. You're a champion, Angel. I mean, you were at least.

"The Thin Dead Line" Cordelia: Maybe we could buy one of those star maps. Find out where Steven Segal lives. (Gunn and Wesley look at her.) You telling me he got to be a movie star without a little demonic assistance? Anne: How do you know [the cops] will [confront us]? Gunn: Cause we'll be the ones walking while black.

"Reprise" Cordelia: I don't even know what you are anymore. Angel: I'm a vampire. Look it up. Dalton: To kill the Klaynak and get the ring, you need the glove. Angel: OK, now you're making this up. Darla: [from behind Dalton] That's right Angelus. Go towards the bleeding mortal. Because that's smart.

"Epiphany" Darla: I don't accept that. You cannot tell me that wasn't perfect. Not only have I been around for 400 years, but I used to do this professionally, and that was perfect. We'll go again. The Host: (Buzzing the door open) Jeez, keep your pants on! (Angel walks through the door) Well, I see were a little late with that advice. The Host: I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say if all you're gonna do is switch back to brood mode, we'd rather have you evil. Then at least, [looking down at Angel's pants] you'd be in leather pants. Gunn: Where's Cordy? Wesley: We don't know. Not here. Gunn: You check her pad? Angel: I stopped by there earlier. Gunn: You enjoying your visit to 1973? I meant her message pad. Angel: Oh right, that's a good idea. [Picks up a pencil] Oh, here. Use this you can make a rubbing of the impressions she left, see what the last thing was that she wrote. Gunn: Or we could just read the carbon. Angel: [Drops the pencil] Or you can do that.

"Disharmony" Cordelia: This is torture for you isn't it? Angel: Yes. Wesley: Good. Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch. Angel: Do you think maybe that I should send her something? Like flowers maybe? Wesley: Flowers? Angel: Yeah, you know, to say thanks. Sorry about the migraines. You know, I appreciate you. Wesley: Yes and while your at it, pick me up one of those "Sorry you were shot in the gut" bouquets. Cordelia: It's hard to explain. It's like, I don't know. I had these air pockets inside of me. And the work I'm doing, we're doing, it's like the pockets keep getting filled and I'm becoming me (Harmony starts laughing) and me has had WAY too much to drink and me, shut up! Willow: Cordelia? Okay, we're all clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire. Cordelia: Oh, Harmony's a vampire? That's why she... Oh, my god. I'm so embarrassed. All this time, I thought she was a great big lesbo. (listening) Oh yeah? Really? That's great! Good for you. Willow: Thanks for the affirmation. Cordelia, Harmony's very dangerous. You have to get out of there. Cordelia: Okay, yeah. I call you when I get somewhere safe. Wesley: It's all right to speak freely in front of her, she's a vampire. Gunn: Don't we kill them anymore?

"Dead End" Nathan: And the current status of Angel? Lindsey: Angel? He's up, he's down, he's good, he's bad; he's a barrel of damn monkeys. Angel: Keep the change. Delivery Man: Wow, a whole dollar just for me. I'm the luckiest Delivery Man ever. Lindsey: That is my lead. You are choking my lead. Angel: He's my lead, he's my lead. What are we in the schoolyard here? Look if you want to get to the bottom of this you gotta learn how to play with others.

"Belonging" Angel: Do you want me to rip that guy's head off for you? Because I can, really. I can actually rip his head right off his body. I can do that. Angel: Horrible. Cordelia: I know. I saw it in my stupid vision. Remember? Angel: No, not the Hacklar, the power-walkers. I mean, walking I get, but power-walking. Why not just run for a shorter time. Weird. Plus one of them hit him. Cordelia: A power-walker did that? Wesley: Apparently she felt I disrespected the Hacklar's culture by killing him. Cordelia: This town sucks!

"Over the Rainbow" The Host: How you holding up? Angel: Oh, I want to go bad. I'm just waiting for Wes to have that Eureka moment. Wesley: (from the other room) EUREKA! Angel: Jeez. Oh, thank god. The Host: You mean he actually says Eureka? Angel: Ah... Sun. The Daylight. Quick someone hand me a blanket, I'm gonna catch on fire. Hand me a blanket. I'm gonna catch on fire. Why am I not on fire? Angel: (laughing) I'm not on fire. Wesley: And we're together. And we didn't merge into a freakish four man Siamese twin. Gunn: That was risk? How come no one told me that was a risk? Angel: Can everyone notice how much fire I'm not on. Angel: Let's starting gathering some branches, some brush. Anything that'll cover up the car. Oh, hey look. There's some over in that patch of sun. I'll get em. (Runs over to the sun patch)

"Through the Looking Glass" Angel: (looking in the mirror at his hair) Okay. This is because of going through the portal right? Cordelia: No. It always looks like that. Priest: The Comshok is a mating ritual. Gunn: I told you it was dirty. Cordelia: (flustered and scared) Yes. Exactly. The mating ritual. Which is great. (Laughs) It's been a really long time since I've had a good Comshok. Cordelia: Why can't go through the front door? Gunn: Do you really think you're going to be able to get your booty through the door? Cordelia: Hey! Gunn: I mean that booty! (pointing to the crowns in her arms) Cordelia: Oh. I just wanted something a little something to remember my reign by. Is that so wrong?

"There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb" Cordelia: I'm sorry about the spittle. I just had to think fast. This is just pretty unsettling for me. The Host: Oh. I'm sure it must be. And after all, I ONLY LOST MY HEAD! Technically, my body. Gunn: So our first job is to find Angel. Wesley: Yes. Gunn: Last time we saw him he had a funny look on his face. A rip out your guts now ask questions later kinda look. Cordelia: Shhh. Somebody's coming. Do you mind if I hit 'em over the head with you? The Host: Yes! Angel: I challenge the Groosalug to mortal combat. Come out and face me you spineless coward. Fred: (hiding behind something) Oh. Why'd you add that coward thing? That's really going to piss him off. Cordelia: Stop the fight. Don't hurt him. Stop. I love him. I love him. Angel: You love me? Cordelia: Not you dumbass, him. I love him. Angel: Oh. Fred: Are you sure about that? Cordelia: Trust me. Tacos everywhere. And… soap. Gunn: Yo. That portal jumping is a fun ride. We sell it to a theme park we could get paid. Angel: Okay, can I say it? I wanna say it. Wesley: Say what? Angel: (opening the doors of the hotel) There's no place like... (Cordelia laughs, they see Willow sitting on the couch) Willow? Cordelia: What's... Angel: (Angel looks at the troubled Willow) It's Buffy. Quotes by Council member Sasha.