Fred: (looking at Cordelia’s fashion magazine) Why do girls want to look like that? I spent years in a cave starving, what’s their excuse?
Cordelia: (on Fred) She’s got the big puppy love. I mean, who wouldn’t? You’re handsome and brave and heroic, emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil, and let’s face it, a eunich.
Angel: Hey! How can you — I’m not a eunich.
Cordelia: Angel, it’s just a figure of speech.
Angel: Find another one.
Cordelia: I just mean that sex is a no-no for you because of the whole “if you know perfect bliss you’ll turn evil curse”. Really no cure for that, is there?
Marcus: (not knowing Fred is a woman) Romance with Fred? So I’m a… (pauses and looks down at his clothing) Obviously.
Cordelia: (returning from interviewing hookers) If Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, I think it should be called “Pretty Skanky Woman”.
Wesley: (about Angel making out with someone on his desk) This isn’t like him.
Cordelia: What? This is totally like him. Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde?
Fred: Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.
Cordelia: You’re right. This isn’t like him.
Angel: I don’t think you really know what you’re getting into.
Marcus: Oh, I know what I’m getting into. You’re the one who doesn’t seem to know what you had. As far as I can tell, you were the world’s worst vampire. Vampires don’t help people, you moron! They kill ‘em. Here, let me show you.
Angel: You may have the attitude, and you may have the power, but there’s one thing you don’t have, and never will. Friends. Four of them, standing behind you with big, heavy things.
Marcus: Guys. It’s about time. It’s him, he’s the one that’s been casting that spell.
Cordelia: You’re Angel? With that cologne? I don’t think so.
Cordelia: (after zapping Marcus unconscious with a taser gun) God, I love technology. (to Angel) Are you all right?
Angel: I gotta pee.
Angel: I’ll tell you why you have a weak heart Marcus. You never use it.
Angel: Fred, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.
Fred: Mm-hmm. OK. (chuckles) Is this about how you’re not like other men, what with that curse and all, and how you’re really fond of me but that’s as far as it goes?
Angel: Umm, yeah.
Fred: Cordelia explained it to me. She said you’d probably just screw it up.
Angel: Oh, she did, did she? Well, she’s probably right.
Fred: (sighs)
Angel: What?
Fred: It’s like something out of Fitzgerald. The man who can have everything but love. Well, maybe in some ways, you’re better off. Because love is, well in a way, it’s everything. But it’s also heartache and disappointment. And those are good things to avoid.
Cordelia: (excited) Angel. Willow’s on the phone. She’s alive! Buffy’s alive! (Angel looks at Fred, then runs)
Fred: (not understanding) Buffy?
Quotes
by Council member Seeker.